the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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