P.S. I can't hear my feet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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