Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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