Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I believe in your delicious
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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