took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
