I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
