Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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