I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
