Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
