when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
