I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
