I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
