Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
