I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.