I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
