So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
