is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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