just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
