nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
