omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize