I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she looked like the before picture.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
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Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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