I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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