we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
