I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
