It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
