Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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