Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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