I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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