exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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