My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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