Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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