Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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