I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the liver wants what the liver wants
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
