I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
