the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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