32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
