Got a toothbrush?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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