i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
