So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
