Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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