Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
