I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is it penis luge time yet?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
