Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
