Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
