Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
