I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
