So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
