I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i out mim tonsoeep
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
