Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
