wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
