dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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