who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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