I am in a vortex of obligation.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
