By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I want a musical about memes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
