Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
