I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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