pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
