I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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