i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
