I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
how drunk are you?
Several
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
