You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
