Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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