Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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