perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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