I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
