How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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