My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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