Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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