My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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