they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
