Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
