White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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