I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize