Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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