I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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