if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
