Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
