its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
