I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
