how can u be prego again
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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