This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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