I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
