epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
