Sorry, I don't speak sober.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
