my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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